It’s getting down to the wire but with just 17 hours and change the Lady Jaye in Arctic Gear is now unlocked. Will we be able to get to that all important Bivouac Battle Station?
G.I. Joe has opened a new front in our ongoing conflict – the Arctic and Antarctic. Partnering once again with HasLab, they have developed a 6-inch scale G.I. Joe Classified Series Snow C.A.T. Vehicle with hopes of securing 8,000 backer orders before the end of the Campaign.
Reach all 3 tiers for maximum collectible experience! This crowdfunded project will run from June 30th, 2025, to 11:59PM ET on August 14th. If successful, the project is expected to begin shipping in Late Fall 2026.
• Includes a Classified Series figure of driver Farley “Frostbite” Seward
• 360-degree rotating missile turret with 4 shockwave missiles with detachable blast effects
• 2 “Avalanche” ski missiles with removable side cargo crates
Announced by all the trumpets of the sky!
Destro’s Journal – June 30th, 2025
Cobra Commander has tasked me with a thorough analysis of the full battlefield capabilities imbued within the latest attempt by G.I. Joe forces to match my weapons manufacturing acumen – the Snow C.A.T. (Combat All-Terrain) Vehicle as well as its principal driver Farley “Frostbite” Seward. Any project initiated by the Joe team inherently pales in comparison to my designs, but I shall endeavor to cater to his ever-changing whims.
Come see the north wind’s masonry
Should they manage to convince a legion of fools to provide 8,000 backer orders before midnight on August 14th, G.I. Joe and HasLab will begin manufacturing with all haste and no doubt devoid of all quality assurance. Based on my assessment, in all likelihood their cold-weather half track should be ready for deployment in Late Fall 2026.
Fills up the farmer’s lane from wall to wall
Comparable in length to my Cobra H.I.S.S., the Snow C.A.T. (Combat All-Terrain) Vehicle measures 21.05” (534.75MM) long and stands 10.85” (275.64MM) tall. Their cockpit seating, however, can accommodate both driver and passenger with the chassis, wheels, and treads spanning 10.44” (265.26MM) wide. Cobra has no room for idle tagalongs like the Joes do.
Driving o’er the fields, seems nowhere to alight
This half-track mobilization unit has functioning tires and conveyer belt-like treads with working suspension to pose it plowing through blizzards and towering glaciers, trailblazing into the snowiest regions of the globe. The front tires can steer right and left, and the tracks are capable of pivoting up and down for off-road ascent and descent.
Enclosed in a tumultuous privacy of storm
- Fold down steps on either side provide access to the cockpit which opens with a hinged canopy or independent scissor doors on the left and right sides.
- The manual wiper blade keeps clear line of vision through the windshield.
- The telescoping control yolks can detach granting easier passenger access to the seats.
- The illuminated dashboard display delivers tactical information and communications.
- The Joes appear to have spared no expense or luxury to the benefit of their troops’ comfort with decadent seating and center console cup holder.
And through the drifts the snowy clifts did send a dismal sheen
The push of a single button operates the LED lighting sequence controlling the dashboard, headlights, tail lights, light bar flood lights, night-pursuit, fog lights, convoy lights, as well as flashing hazards. Standard settings appear to default to an ice blue hue, though time and further inspection may reveal additional options.
Still treads the shadow of his foe
Each Snow C.A.T. (Combat All-Terrain) Vehicle secured by backing the HasLab Campaign also includes a Classified Series action figure of driver Farley “Frostbite” Seward with premium deco, detailing, and articulation for poseability. Intelligence dossiers from the Baroness offer some insight into the Alaska native. The 40 degrees below zero and hazardous conditions he experienced with employment on the pipeline apparently didn’t satisfy his need for a challenge. Service to G.I. Joe appears to have filled that void and outfitted him with the necessary arctic gear: goggles, weaponry, and even an insulated travel mug with removable cup lid. How wholesome…
A tapering turret overtops he work
Next to the vast arsenal equipping Cobra’s H.I.S.S. or Rattler innovations, the Snow C.A.T. (Combat All-Terrain) Vehicle’s weapons systems seem paltry by comparison. Granted, the missile turret rotates 360 degrees and pivots for a wide range of target acquisition. The launcher boasts 4 “Shockwave” HE-27 Missile accessories with detachable blast effect to simulate varying stages of launch.
His wild work so fanciful, so savage
More intriguing and unique a design are the 2 “Avalanche” Ski-Missiles housed within removable side cargo crate compartments that pivot open revealing the “Snopedoes” with accompanying blast effects. Dogbone pegs which connect the missile are detachable from the snowboard allowing for them to double as separate means of transportation for Joe troops via the foot peg on the snowboard.
Nor shapes of men nor beasts we ken
I would be remiss were I not to recognize the modern innovation of the Classified Series updates to the classic half-track design. Remove the missile launcher and armor plate to convert the rear bay into a personnel carrier with bench seating for 4 additional troopers not included in the base offering. Though for G.I. Joe this simply increases the number of their inevitable casualties when facing off against my immeasurably unmatched technology.
It cracked and growled, and roared and howled
- Beneath the bench seating is cargo storage to stow all their various gear.
- The tail gate with handrail also drops down acting as a loading ramp.
- The open rear bay grants entry to access panels revealing the Twin IL6 9.0 Liter, Direct Injection Turbo Diesel Engine details, to which I acknowledge fleeting respect.
- The obverse sides of the access panels stow crescent and socket wrench accessories suitable for any necessary engine repair.
The ice was here, the ice was there
The G.I. Joe team clearly anticipates the ineptitude of their own soldiers in getting lost in the wilderness and needing to survive for extended periods of time. The driver’s side features a slide-out kitchenette with food preparation surfaces, additional beverage holders, and a compartment to store ice accessories to preserve their food supplies — as though the frozen wastes were not cold enough…
The frolic architecture of the snow
Additional features of note:
- Front armor plating that folds down to reveal a functional manual winch
- Removable brush guard
- Tow hitch
- Numerous handles and steps for dynamic figure posing
- Sticker sheet for vehicle customization such as a frosted windshield effect
I must begrudgingly commend their attention to detail.
Nought cares he for number or portion
The transparently inferior capabilities of the Snow C.A.T. (Combat All-Terrain) Vehicle base offering are such that G.I. Joe and HasLab must incentivize bulk purchase with Unlock Tiers offering supplementary troop and accessory enhancements at higher backer order levels. To commence production they need:
- 8,000 Backer Orders to fully fund the Snow C.A.T. (Combat All-Terrain) Vehicle with Farley “Frostbite” Seward Action Figure
- 10,000 Backer Orders to unlock the Lady Jaye in Arctic Gear Action Figure
- 12,000 Backer Orders to unlock the Bivouac Battle Station
- 14,000 Backer Orders to unlock the Flint in Arctic Gear Action Figure
Stone by stone, built in an age
The G.I. Joe Snow C.A.T. (Combat All-Terrain) Vehicle Campaign speaks for itself. One can only hope that discerning consumers demonstrate their competence looking past the fully-loaded half-track with its meticulous attention to detail, see beyond its vast play and display capabilities, overlook its conversion from combat-readiness to troop carrier, and ignore the Unlock Tiers that not only add winter-themed versions of classic Joe team members, but expand the world of G.I. Joe to include 6-inch scale survival and camping gear to potential diorama displays. If my assessment proves correct, this Campaign shall never reach 8,000 backers before midnight on August 14th, and all of these pointless machinations brought on by the G.I. Joe team will be for naught. I eagerly await their imminent failure and stand poised with my superior weaponry to bring about their utter ruin.
Tier 1: Lady Jaye in Arctic Gear Action Figure (10,000 Backers)
Should some miracle occur, and fans dazzled by the ice blue LED lighting foolishly provide 10,000 Backer Orders, all who support the Campaign shall receive an action figure of Lady Jaye in Arctic Gear. The figure of this Covert Operative of questionable ancestry comes with:
- A complement of her signature javelin accessories
- Accompanying quiver
Alternate head with knit cap and communications headset
- Personalized coffee cup
- Ice auger
- Fishing pole with detachable lure
I find it rather difficult to fathom how covert an operative can be donning a winter parka with a bag full of javelins strapped to her back.
Tier 2: Bivouac Battle Station (12,000 Backers)
Further anticipating their ineffectiveness to resolve missions in a timely fashion, G.I. Joe has offered the Bivouac Battle Station should the Campaign bafflingly reach 12,000 backer orders thus unlocking Tier 2. With this add-on, Joes are able to bunker down with a bevy of additional gear and weaponry that conveniently stows in the rear cargo compartments:
- Softgoods lean-to tent
- Canteen that conveniently hangs on the tent frame hooks
- Tool rack which holds an axe, shovel, and machete
- A cot for Joes to rest upon
- Fire pit accessory with transparent flame effect
- Radio with handset
- Rocket launcher with rocket accessory
- Camp stove which rests conveniently on the pullout kitchenette of the vehicle
- 2 fish accessories that attach to the fishing pole lures or store in the ice compartment of the kitchenette
It’s as though they’ve turned a seasoned military exercise into a weekend camping excursion. Utter foolishness!
Tier 3: Flint in Arctic Gear Action Figure (14,000 Backers)
If the truly unimaginable should ensue and the Campaign reach 14,000 backer orders before its conclusion, buyers will unlock Tier 3 – A Flint action figure in Arctic Gear. This perpetual do-gooder comes with even more facile bric-a-brac for their “Adventure Team”:
- Alternate head with knit cap and communications headset
- Weapon accessories
- Personalized coffee cup,
- “Cast-iron” skillet accessory with eggs
- Coffee carafe
- 2 roasting forks which can skewer the prior Unlock’s fish or…
- 2 sausage links
- Security Camera Installation – indoor/outdoor IP CCTV systems & video analytics
- Access Control Installation – key card, fob, biometric & cloud‑based door entry
- Business Security Systems – integrated alarms, surveillance & access control
- Structured Cabling Services – voice, data & fiber infrastructure for new or existing builds
- Video Monitoring Services – 24/7 remote surveillance and analytics monitoring
Author: 360 Technology Group
